The Legend of Zelda: Sabotage at the County Fair
by Lords of Darkness
Summary: Ganondorf knows Link will be going to the fair--Hyrule's greatest attraction--so he tries to smuggle a bomb past the gates. Meanwhile Link's aunt was trampled savagely by rabid animals. And he's off to get the money for the wake. Which is at the fair...
1. These Crazy Turn of Events

The legend of Zelda:  
  
Sabotage at the county fair  
  
  
  
A/N: Check this piece o' work out! Pleez R+R!  
  
"Come on, you have to let me in here!"  
  
"I'm sorry sir, but I cannot allow such a hideous person to enter."  
  
"But my grandmother is severely constipated!"  
  
Ganondorf was standing at the ticket booth to the annual-twice-a-year county fair. He was trying to smuggle an atomic bomb into the fair because he knew by instinct that somehow, in some crazy turn of events… Link would be there…  
  
"Well Navi, this is certainly a crazy turn of events," Link said. "Where going to the fair!"  
  
"Whoohoo!" Navi cried in excitement. "I mean, uh… NO! You can't take me there!"  
  
"I have to," Link said. "I just received news that my aunt was trampled by a stampede of rabid horses and cows. To show their sorrow, they offered to pay for the supplies for the wake. And I have been selected to get the money from them. Oh, and I sense Ganondorf is trying to smuggle an atomic bomb into the fair grounds by disguising it as his constipated grandmother… Who knew?"  
  
"I did…" a voice said. "I knew it all… And I still do! And I will aid you on your quest to the fair. …But it'll cost you…"  
  
I shadowy figure appeared in Link's doorway.  
  
"Who are you?" Link gripped his sword.  
  
"Lay down you weapon," the figure said. "I can help…"  
  
The figure revealed itself. It was Ruto!  
  
"Ruto?" Link asked angrily. "What are you doing HERE?! In MY house?! In MY forest? In MY planet?"  
  
"That's taking it a little far, Link," Ruto said.  
  
"I've told you before, I don't love you!"  
  
"Fine! Then give me back my stone!"  
  
"No!" Link stuck his tongue out.  
  
"Well," Ruto put her hands on her hips, "if you won't gimme it, then no information for you!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"GET OUT!"  
  
"FINE!"  
  
"Man, I hate that girl!" Link shut the door.  
  
"Hey!" Navi observed. "Where'd you get that door?"  
  
"Uh, it appeared after Ruto left," Link said.  
  
"Exactly!" Navi said. "It was a gift from her! Do you know what this means?"  
  
"Cotton candy?" Link asked hopefully.  
  
"Well, maybe in your mind," Navi shrugged. But it really means that no matter how many times you push her away, she is always giving her love to you. Don't you think you could give her any credit?"  
  
"Um…" Link thought. "No."  
  
"Yeah, you're probably right," Navi said. "That sounded kinda sappy."  
  
"Now, it's onward to the county fair!"  
  
"Yipee!"  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
"I must think of a way to get this bomb into the fair," Ganondorf thought. And thought. And thought and thought and thought and thought and thought and thought until his brain exploded!  
  
"Duh…"  
  
It took a while for Ganondorf's brain cells to recover.  
  
"Oh, that's the fifth time this week!" Ganondorf said. "Now, the constipated grandmother method is getting a little old. I've been using it for years."  
  
"Well, you could use a mask," a voice said. The owner of the voice appeared next to Ganondorf. It was Kurana!"  
  
"Oh, you are so clever, Kurana," Ganondorf praised his prized worker with glory. "A mask! I will disguise myself as a woman!"  
  
"But what about the bomb, sir?" Kurana asked.  
  
"I will place it under my shirt so I will appear pregnant."  
  
"And if it explodes prematurely?"  
  
"Then, I will die. Well, we'll all go to hell someday." 


	2. The Agonizing Journey to the County Fair

"We're there." 


	3. Horses, Cows, and Really Wierd Ticket Co...

"Hello," Ganondorf was at the front gate.  
  
"Hello, pregnant woman," the man said. "What's your name?"  
  
"Uh…" Ganondorf thought. "Fina. Tanya Fina."  
  
"You may enter."  
  
After Ganondorf walked through the gate, Link tried to get in.  
  
"Oh, no, this is your WORST disguise yet!" the man blocked Link off.  
  
"WHAT?!" Link shouted angrily.  
  
"Don't play dumb, Mr. Ganondork!"  
  
"I'm not Ganondorf!"  
  
"Riiiiiiight," the man said. "And I'm not George Washington!"  
  
"But you're NOT George Washington!"  
  
"Exactly! The man said. And you're not Ganondorf! You're Ganondork!"  
  
"Did it ever occur to you that you pronounced his name wrong?"  
  
"Nope," the man said confidently. "And it never will."  
  
"Grrr…" Link started jumping around angrily.  
  
"Oh," the man said. "So you ARE the dancing monkey! You may enter."  
  
"Yah!"  
  
Link and Navi walked onto the fair grounds.  
  
"Ok, first we need the money," Link said. "Where's the stable?"  
  
"There it is!" Navi said excitedly and pointed to an old run down shed.  
  
The two approached the stable. Link reached out his hand. He had never talked to animals before. His fingertips slowly touched to the door. As they touched the door, it collapsed before his feet.  
  
"I LOVE the fair!" Navi said excitedly.  
  
They both walked inside.  
  
"Who enters?" a voice asked.  
  
A four-legged figure appeared from the shadows. It was a horse!  
  
"Uh, I'm here to pick up the money for my aunts wake…" Link said.  
  
"Ah," the horse nodded. "Come. I will take you to the master."  
  
"Ok…" Link was getting nervous.  
  
The horse led them to an elevator. He pushed the button on the very bottom. The elevator went down at top speed. Everybody hit the ceiling and stuck there. Link's skin seemed to be being pulled back off his face. Suddenly, WHAM! The elevator hit the bottom. And so did Link, Navi, and the horse.  
  
"Well, I'm glad that's over," Link said.  
  
"Oh, but it's just beginning," the horse said. "Hah! Ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"  
  
"This guy's a freak…" Link whispered to Navi.  
  
"Do not offend the county fair creatures!" Navi warned.  
  
Suddenly, lava started oozing into the elevator. An opening appeared on the ceiling. Spikes suddenly stuck out of the walls. The elevator began to close in. All these things happening at once.  
  
"What's happening?" Link cried.  
  
"A fun house!" Navi said excitedly  
  
Link jumped from spike to spike. Going straight up. The lava scorched his boots. The spikes tore his close. But he kept on going. He jumped! He got through the hole. Navi followed. They found the horse at the top.  
  
"How'd you get up here?" Link asked.  
  
"I have my ways…" the horse replied. "In any case you have fulfilled that task which opposed you thus you may speak to our lord."  
  
"Coolio!" Navi said excitedly.  
  
The horse looked at Navi. "Do we have bring that…that thing in with us?"  
  
"Yeah, that's my partner."  
  
"You poor boy…"  
  
The three walked up to a door. It opened. The walked down a dark corridor only lit by occasional candles on the wall. After walking a long time, they found another.  
  
"This is it," the horse said.  
  
They approached the door. As they walked closer a screen appeared. It switched on. On the screen there was the face of a cow.  
  
"Do not enter!" the cow said. "I am currently bathing! If you do, I will have your heads! And EAT them! Then digest them! And eat 'em again!"  
  
"A cow?" Link said. "A cow is your lord?"  
  
"Of course not!" the horse said. "That's totally ridiculous! This is our lord."  
  
The horse walked in.  
  
"Hey, that…that cow said we're not supposed to enter!" Link said.  
  
"Hey is for horses…which I am," the horse chuckled.  
  
"OK…" Link shrugged.  
  
"Anyway, no one listens to the cow," the horse said. "He just tries to be the king."  
  
Navi was just sitting there silently. After an hour, she said "So… It's not a fun house?"  
  
"No, Navi," Link angrily. "It's not a fun house."  
  
They walked in and the first thing they saw was a fat cow in a hot tub.  
  
"What are you three doing?!" it said. "Can't you see I'm busy?"  
  
Link and the horse ran, but Navi just stared.  
  
"Navi! Come on!"  
  
"But what could possibly be more fun than-"  
  
"Come ON!" Link grabbed Navi.  
  
"But…" A tear dropped from Navi's eye. "I wanna see the cow! I wanna I wanna I wanna!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"That piercing screech!" the horse cried in agony. "Leave it! Leave it!"  
  
Link let go and ran.  
  
"Oh, boy!" Navi said happily. 


	4. The REAL Lord

"Forgive me for the delay," the horse said.  
He and Link had run down another dark corridor and stopped at a stone wall. The horse approached the wall slowly. He held out his hand. A panel appeared on the wall.   
"Let's see if I remember correctly," the horse said. (I'm getting tired of writing "the horse"... Let's just call him Bob.)  
Bob pushed a combination of buttons on the panel. Link studied the pattern. The pattern was: "1...2...3...4...5..."  
"Curious..." Link muttered.  
A speaker appeared over the panel.   
"PASSWORD," a voice from the speaker said loudly.   
"Baa," Bob said.  
"ACCESS DENIED," the voice said.  
"WHAT?!" Bob cried. "But it MUST be the password! It was given-"  
"JUST KIDDING," the voice cackled madly.  
"I hate that guy..." Bob mumbled angrily.  
The wall slowly disintegrated revealing an iron door with a happy face on it. A SLAP-happy face. It was hideous.   
"Arrgh!" Link covered his eyes. "It's so ugly!"  
"FACE IT!" Bob shouted forcefully. "It's the only way for the door to open!"  
Link lifted his head. He slowly opened his eyes. They shut immediately.  
"Too hard..." Link said. "Can't stand it!"  
Suddenly, Link heard a familiar sound. A twinkling sound. Navi!  
"Oh, crap..." Link knew Navi would cause some kind of trouble.  
"Hey guys, that cow was getting boring so I drowned him and he-AHHHH!" Navi cried out. "FATHER!"  
"MY CHILD!!!" the hideous face said. "Is it you? Is it really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really you?"  
"Yes, father," Navi said. "It's really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really me. But is it really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really you?"  
"Yes, my child," the face said. "It's really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really me. But is it really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really you?"  
"Yes, father," Navi said. "It's really-"  
"PLEASE STOP!" Link screamed in frustration and agony. "I think it's clear that you both are REALLY you! I don't want to hear that word again!"  
"What word?" Navi asked.  
"R-r-..."  
"Rhinocerous?"  
"R-r-..."  
"Retarded?"  
"R-r-..."  
"Basketball?"  
"NO!" Link shouted.   
"Really?"  
Link twitched. "Yes."  
"Why can't we say really?"  
Link twitched again. "Just DON'T!"  
"Excuse me," Bob interrupted. "Can we PLEASE see our lord?"  
"Whatever..." Link said. "Let's leave these two."  
The door opened. They walked in sans Navi and the hideous face.  
Link looked inside the room. It was flaming everywhere. There was only one path. And it led straight to a chair. The chair was facing the opposite direction.  
"Who dares enter my chamber of death?" the being in the chair said.  
"For it is your loyal horse. In which you place all of your trust to."  
"And you have come with the boy?"   
"Yes," Bob nodded. "The boy has come."  
The chair turned. Sitting in the chair was none other than a sheep!  
"And my lollipop?" Lord Sheep asked.  
Bob gasped. "No! I can't believe it! I forgot the lollipop!"  
"Do you WANT to die?!" Lord Sheep said.  
"I...it wasn't my fault!" Bob cried out.  
"Well, I see you aren't as reliable as you were... I will take a quarter of my trust from you!"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"  
"STOP!" Lord Sheep shouted. "You get your little trust back. Not that it matters..."  
"Can I just have my money?" Link said angrily.  
"Oh, your human possessions," the sheep said. "Don't you see? This was all a set-up! Now you will die!"  
The horse stepped on a platform. The platform along with the sheep's chair rose to the ceiling.   
Link looked up at them. "What are you doing to me?"   
"Oh, you'll see..." Lord Sheep nodded. "In time you'll see it all..." 


End file.
